Monday, July 8, 2013

Real-life dreams are horrifying.

Sometimes the best time to follow your dreams is when you don't have anything left. When you have run out of money and time and hope...when you don't have anything left but that dream, sometimes that's the best time to just fucking do it.

I don't have much in life. I have a small, close-knit group of friends and family members that don't understand me, but they try, and really, I guess that is all you can ask for, right? But sometimes you need a purpose. You need a reason to live. Some people have a career, or kids, or dogs or a relationship. I really don't have any of those things, so getting up in the morning had been hard for me for a while.

Then one day I thought it would be a great idea to take Christmas card photos with my cat. And that, that idea and that moment right there, that's what has brought me here. That's what gave me purpose. Hope. 


Such a life-altering word, "hope".

It sounds cheesy to say that. "Gave me purpose". Like I don't have amazing things going for me, which I do, but I don't. What am I contributing, you know? Then my good friend Trish gave me an idea....an idea that gave me what I needed most...hope. Maybe it was a small bit of "pipe dream" hope, but sometimes that's enough to get you through the day. And when you have that, sometimes you do whatever you can to make it happen.

So then there is Dani. A beautiful, creative, artistic and understanding designer. And she got me. The first night we met, there was something. It was meant to be. Kismet.

So I pitched her the idea, and she was on board in seconds.

But it wasn't that easy.

To accomplish any dream, sometimes you have to depend on others, and that is some scary shit. This is why I am single. I just can't deal with depending on someone else. And for a while I was scared that all my hope was put into this one project and so many factors could have easily derailed it.

Ruined it.

Crushed me.

And I was scared shitless that it was all going to fall apart around me. And that's a horrible feeling.

But I kept at it. I pushed and I kept it going and I emphasized that this was all I really had in the world of purpose. Then something happened. All my superstitious feelings and thoughts and worries started to disappear and Dani and I got closer to finishing one thing after another. It was little things like weekly meetings, or finally taking photos or filming. It was always something small that pushed us further from the beginning and closer to the end...closer to a point where we are now. No turning back.

And that is some scary shit too.

The reason for the delays on our first project was because we were depending on some other people to help, but without them believing in us and what we are doing, to them it's just a waste of time, and since they weren't getting paid, what did they care? But for me, it's about accomplishing something. It's about following my dream and seeing my ideas come to life. It's about putting myself out there and just saying, "Fuck it. This is for you because if you are like-minded, you'll get it and laugh and maybe get something from it."

And that is my purpose. To give.

Our ultimate project stems from some super shitty times I have had in the past 3 years. And from that it made me see something I didn't see before. It made me see the humor in even the shittest of times, even when it was hard to laugh. That is what this is all about...finding that laughter, finding that hope. And while at first none of this will make sense, trust us when we say, the final project is our main purpose for me as a writer, and Dani as a designer and anyone else who wants to join us. We believe in this and we believe in the talents of those we ask to join us. So when we come to you, it's because we know you are talented and could benefit.

Anyway, long story even longer, I'm saying all this because I don't know what's going to happen. It could flop, it could fly. It could be magnificent, it could be devastating. I don't know and I'm scared, but at the same time our ultimate project is worth it. It's worth putting out there to make someone smile. To get them through the day. To give them hope. And damnit, sometimes that's all you can ask for in a day. Hope.

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