And then I moved to this town and was forced to find that adoration within myself. Something I have only recently come to terms with. I have been here for 3 years. That's along time to try and figure out what the fuck is wrong with you. Then you take a step back and realize, there is nothing wrong with you and that, in fact, you are probably more sane than most people you will ever meet in this town.
I don't know what it is that causes this strange affliction in men in this town (and maybe some of the girls here too) but they are a bunch of selfish assholes. I don't know if it is because they were hurt once and never got over it, but there is just this bizarre phenomena that has plagued this town. Gorgeous, smart sophisticated women doubt themselves. Girls sleep with whoever is willing to sleep with them. It's like the most bizarre scenario you will ever witness. It absolutely blows my mind. I myself have even fallen prey to it and it wasn't until recently that I see it. I see that it's not us. It never was. It's the situation
This town is always fluctuating. New young beautiful people arrive at least once a semester. Hopeful and dreamy, hoping for something bigger and better, as most foolish college kids think.
Then something happens. The town gets smaller and sex partners become more like 1 degree of separation instead of at least 6. Before you know it, it becomes a cluster fuck of drama and sex and broken hearts and the only ones ruined are the poor girls who, after all their lives they were held to a higher standard, are now here and are cast away like rag dolls.
I met a guy who I was told was a complete douche. I decided not to believe everyone because, well, what the fuck did I know. I foolishly got close with him and before I knew it, I was another victim. And not just a one night stand victim, but one that lasted over a year. A horrible, painful, self-degrading year, thinking I was nothing because I wasn't adored by this piece of shit.
And then he left. And then he left and all of a sudden, my eyes opened up and I realized, I wasn't the one who had self-esteem issues...he did. He had it so bad that it came off on me and I kept thinking it was me.
It was never me.
It was him
And to all the girls in this town who keep thinking it's them. It's not. I swear, it's not. The men, I mean, the boys...the boys in this town are so fucked up and so bat-shit crazy because girls are so fucking easy in this town that we lose ourselves and think we have to play that same easy game.
But that's not it. We just have to fucking get the hell out of this town. Ok, well, maybe that's the dramatic answer. The real answer is to find your self-worth and stop hanging out with the douchey dudes who have such horrible self-esteem issues that they become selfish horrible pricks.
I know, I know, I spent the last year of my life battling this and it took his ass leaving town to make me see it. And I wish it was that easy for everyone. I wish all the assholes in this town would just leave, and leave the sweet, amazing, smart, beautiful girls in this town for the dudes who deserve them.
I guess, in all the ten years I was gone living in all these other places, I never had this issue. I never hated myself or cared about what some piece of shit dude said because I always knew I could do better, and I always have. But here, the pickings are so so slim, and finding a good one, well, hell...tell me where and I'll point all the beautiful and amazing girls I know in that direction.
What I am getting at is, to all the amazing, cool, legit chicks in this town that I know, please know that it's not you. Please know that outside of this fucked-up little town there are things far beyond your imagination. Please don't get caught up in it and please don't lose yourself in it. I know it's easier to say than do, but trust me...there is a beautiful world out there...get the balls to leave this town, and I promise you, it will all be worth it. just don't let the tools in this town define you...know you're flippin' awesome...trust me...
