So Saturday I was invited to a big 'ol shin dig at Sierra Nevada Brewing Company. And really, though it was tempting to have a drink, it really wasn't that big of a deal. Short of needing something in my hand to stave off that need for oral fixation (snicker if you must), I really didn't feel the need to drink. I know it was only my first test and really I have like 360 more days to go, but I was impressed with myself. And you know, I found that without alcohol, I'm still fun. Or at least I am fun when everyone else is drunk. See, that's the thing with drinking...it's not the alcohol in me that makes me seem awesome, it's the alcohol in others. So really, I don't have to drink for everyone to have a good time, I have a good time all by myself...it's others happiness that ultimately matters and, I must say, the group I was with was having what seemed like a pretty shnazzy time.
Ok...I do have a confession. I lied. And it's no big deal or anything, but I had to clear my conscious. I said I was going to post every day, and I haven't. There are many reasons for this. 1. I doubt anyone even noticed. 2. It's way too narcissistic to talk about myself every day...even for me. 3. I couldn't come up with enough witty banter to keep you all entertained. 4. I'm busy, dammit. I have a life. I cant be sitting here on the computer trying to explain why drinking sucks, even when you quit.
So, to kind of update you, I think I am detoxing. I feel like shit. Or maybe I caught a cold. Either way, my body is rejecting my existence. I'm ok with it if in the end it means I am alive. I believe I said that once about a break up. And maybe that is what this is. A break up with Alcohol. It's only been a few days. I'm still in shock. I haven't fully understood the consequences of my actions. Sure it's all fun and games until you're alone and thinking about it. That's another reason why I decided not to write every day. If I said don't think about dead babies, what did you just think about? Yup. And you can thank me for that later. Any way, the point is I don't want to think about it because it makes it a little tougher. Not that it has been tough so far, but it might get to that point and frankly, I want to be strong now for later's sake.
Anyway, about the other night. La Salles sober is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than when you're three shots in and feeling like you are the most amazing dancer in all the world and the D.J. is rockin' it and everyone is having as good a time as you are. When you're sober you see the dirty underbelly of Chico and what it really means to be a "sloppy" drunk. I would never consider myself a sloppy drunk. I think I hold my whiskey pretty well, but it definitely put the blinders on me from the spectacle that buzzed around me when I was in my own lil' party world. I still had fun, but it was a different kind of fun. Maybe not as much fun as my birthday (which btw is going to be Peter Pan themed this year and I suggest you all get ready for it because it's gonna be amazing *shameless party promotion*) but it was still pretty fun. I definitely wasn't judging, just observing, and making myself completely aware of how I hope to hold myself after this adventure when I decide to drink again.
Long story short, I was a good girl. The boys didn't believe me, so I made them taste my "awesome" tonic water. Despite the fact that I am out at the bars, it doesn't mean I am drunk or have been drinking. It just means I can have fun and play too, but I can also hold myself to my convictions and really, I could give up worse things.
But I won't.
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