Just. Fucking. Say It.

Your sarcasm hides your insecurities; the fear that if you actually give a true compliment, that someone might read into it. So we stiff arm one another with harsh words and cruel jokes, following with “I was being sarcastic…facetious…I didn’t mean it”

No one ever means it.

Maybe it’s time someone said something they mean.

I like it black and white. Say what you mean. Don’t cover it up with passive statements, gaffs and jokes and insecure statements.

We are all afraid of getting hurt. People don’t compliment or let themselves fall in love because they are afraid of being hurt or rejected, so as a defense mechanism, we say sarcastic things. We belittle one another and that has become our culture.

So many people in this town are chickenshit.

Yup. I said it.

Chickenshit.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” they say. But that hurts.

Or “I don’t want to lose you, so I don’t want to get into anything with you” (bullshit)

Or even more so, they just don’t even bother. Instead they pull away, never willing to forget what it was like to hurt, and not wanting to remember what it felt like to be comfortable in their own skin and enjoy the touch of someone else’s.

And I am no better.

Behind my mask of sarcasm, joking manner and bold statements, I too am scared shitless to get hurt like I once was. Not in just a relationship, but in friendships as well. I joke, I make fun, I stay just far enough away so that you can’t know me so you can’t hurt me. I fear rejection as we all do. I love being social, I love to have fun, and I love getting others around me to have fun too.

But even in the most uplifting of times, there is always someone who is hurting, feeling left out or insecure, and in that moment they say harsh things, push others away and because they are hurting, hurt you in return.

In relationships and friendships there is always the possibility of being rejected; of being pushed away. So, to preempt that, we push first. Others feel they must have as many eggs in their basket as possible so that they have something to fall back on, never thinking that maybe they just need to be comfortable being alone.

I like attention. We all do. That is why we are on this thing called Facebook. My attention seeking is not one of drama or anything more than I want people to join my fun. I have fun by myself all the time and I honestly just want to share that with others. It is one thing to laugh alone, it’s another to laugh together. I love that. I love sitting on the floor with Sam, telling stories of our past lives, laughing hysterically. I love people, and maybe I want people to love me too. It’s human nature. I accept it. But the one thing I am having a hard time accepting is people’s inability to want to share that as well.

Fear is only a fear of the unknown. If you know your friends will be there no matter what, you are free to be yourself. When you know the person you are with truly loves you, you are free to trust them and be yourself. But when the insecurities of not knowing fall into the equation, that is when things tend to get awkward and painful.

Use your words.

I hate the passive aggressive behavior of people. JUST FUCKING SAY IT. Whatever it is, just say it. Waiting, contemplating, deciding and then maybe kind of saying something is what is creating all the hurt and insecurities.

If you knew that everyone was telling you exactly how they felt at all times, you would never doubt yourself or them and we would all just have an understanding and no one could be mad, because how can you be upset at someone who is being honest with you? If you’re mad, say it. If you’re concerned or hurt, say it. If you are not in love anymore, say it. Nothing is worse than knowing what someone is thinking, just for them to say something they feel will overshadow what they are thinking. Just so you don’t get hurt.

But that hurts.

I use sarcasm because I think it’s funny. But I am sure deep down I use sarcasm to ease people into what I really feel; that I like them; that I care for them, or that I am looking for an excuse to be a part of their life, and because I am too afraid to actually tell them that, I say something smartass and hope that they can read between the lines.

Not everyone is this way. Most of this is from people who are still in the raw stages of finding themselves or finding someone else. I am as guilty as the next person and no, I will not stop being sarcastic, but I will be aware of when I am using it and I will be honest with myself.

I guess in the end the issue with sarcasm and passive aggressive behavior is we really have no idea what people are thinking. Do they like me? Are they serious when they say that? It all becomes a stupid mind fuck. And frankly, after being in this town, I have had my share, and I’m pretty much over it. If you like me, just say it. If you don’t like me, just say it. I can’t possibly be upset that you’ve just told me the honest truth. And no one should say these things to be mean, but because it needs to be said. And frankly, it would make things much more simple…but sadly, probably not all that funny…